The following piece is referenced from the book, Finding Peace isn’t Peaceful:
Chapter 8: Me, Him, & the Moon
“I was falling for him again, and I didn't care. I feel like the moment we shared was a preview of how our relationship could have been. Our moment was surreal, but it was also a false sense of reality. My sober mind would never admit it, but my drunken mind already confessed it, I love, and I miss him. He told me he loved me, and a young version of myself would have grasped on to that and would have made a long distance relationship work if the option was ever put on the table. However, deep down inside I know he doesn't love me. He loves that I love him. He loves that I see him. He loves that I accept him. He loves that I feed his spirit. He loves that I motivate him. He loves that I challenge him. He loves that I believe in him, but he doesn't love me, Ma' Ronda. It hurts to love someone unconditionally, only for them to love you because you make them feel better about themselves. Somewhere in his mind, he may believe that he loves me romantically, but I know him. Sometimes, I think I know him more than he knows himself and after being with him, listening to him, observing him, that deep down inside I know I am not the one for him. I am not the one who got away. I'm cancerous to his development. I'm the one who is preventing him from becoming a better man, and I'd be selfish to allow him to think that he loves me, and foolish to believe it. It is important for me to acknowledge that and call it what it is.”
Have you ever loved someone enough to let them go? Knowing that they were good with you, but could better without you? I’ve only had one true love, but I loved many men, and I have never felt so much pain and selflessness until I’ve let them all go. I’ve learned that love isn’t possessive; I’d want the people that I love to be great with or without me.
I’ve learned that when you learn to put others best interest and well being before your own selfish needs, that is truly unconditional love. Therefore, I love all the men I’ve once cared about from a distance. I wish them well, and I wish them true happiness.
— Ma’ Ronda X — Peace Be Upon You